Ask anyone you know, and chances are they’ll have an opinion on relationship breaks. Some people are firmly in the camp that taking a break from your relationship is a bad idea, while others believe it can be essential to getting the self-reflection you need to grow as a couple. But what does a break mean in a relationship, anyway? What makes it different from a breakup? It’s one thing to communicate your feelings and ask for what you need from your partner, but does it really help to temporarily call it quits while you think things through?

There are many valid reasons why a couple may choose to take a break, and as it turns out, it does not automatically mean you’re doomed for a permanent breakup. According to relationship expert Susan Winter, “Breaks can be for the purpose of reflection and reconfiguration, or time devoted to personal development. Time apart from each other can be a positive thing if the relationship is healthy and not suffering from ongoing, unresolved issues,” she says. “Coming back into each other’s arms after structured ‘me time’ apart can reignite a stagnant romance.” It’s a case-by-case basis, and the intent behind the break, as well as the strength of your relationship, matters. After all, “When a couple is already distanced, more distance does not create closeness,” Winter explains.

If you genuinely just want a little time apart to think about the relationship or work on yourself, there are ways to successfully take a break from your relationship without dooming it. For starters, both parties have to agree that the break is desirable. “The time spent apart must be structured and purposeful for it to be beneficial to the relationship,” Winter tells Bustle. “Establish an end date. This is also mutually agreed upon. For most couples, several weeks is enough time to reset their thinking and come to new discoveries.”

The key is open communication and setting clear boundaries — like how much (if any) contact you want during the break — so both partners are on the same page and know what to expect. "If you don't work out the issues with each other, they will still be sitting right there when you are done with your break," Pella Weisman, licensed psychotherapist and dating coach, tells Bustle.

But alas, even the most well-intentioned breaks don't always go according to plan. If you're worried about whether your break could turn into a permanent breakup, here are seven signs to watch out for.

Don't get me wrong: The stipulations of your break are totally up to you and your partner, and if you're both truly, honestly comfortable with the idea of dating or sleeping with other people while apart, then do so! And obviously, if you’re in a non-monogamous relationship to start, this can involve dating other people and doesn’t reflect on the strength of your connection.

But if you and your partner are in a decidedly monogamous relationship and did not clarify that dating during the break is OK, it’s a little shady. And if you specifically chose to go on a break just to "see what else is out there," that might not bode well for the future of your relationship — especially if only one of you is interested in dating around.

"If one or both partners chooses a break for the purpose of dating other people, it’s never a good sign for the future of the relationship," Jonathan Bennett, dating and relationship coach and owner of The Popular Man, tells Bustle. "People in strong relationships don’t feel the need to 'test the waters' by dating someone else."

In a healthy relationship (even while on a break) both partners should feel able to express their feelings, opinions, and desires without judgment. If you reach out to your partner to express a concern or ask for something you need in the relationship, only to be met with indifference (or worse, silence), that might mean it's not the right relationship for you long-term.

"Really think through the issues you are having: Are they workable issues, or are they very real issues that make the relationship more 'work' than fun?" Safran asks. "Relationships require tune-ups from time to time. If you are with someone who won't deal with issues now, you need to decide if this is the right relationship for you to be in."

Taking a break from your relationship can be a great way to give both partners some much-needed time to grow as individuals before rejoining forces as a couple. There's no shame in admitting that things need work; in fact, it's much healthier to be upfront about what is and is not working in your relationship, and to attempt to work through those issues together. Although not every couple can survive a break, as long as you both genuinely want to make things work and can openly communicate during the break, there's no reason that you shouldn't have a happily ever after.

Experts:

Susan Winter, relationship expert and author

Jonathan Bennett, dating and relationship coach and owner of The Popular Man

Pella Weisman, licensed psychotherapist and dating coach

Stef Safran, owner of Chicago-based matchmaking company Stef and the City

Get Even More From Bustle — Sign Up For The Newsletter

From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person who’s on TikTok, even if you aren’t.

More like this

This article was originally published on May 23, 2017